Everything
by jkaso
Summary: Reid had never wanted anything so badly. A life with Hotch and his son. A chance to be happy for a change...but things are never easy for Dr. Spencer Reid. SLASH. HXR.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer Reid bit his lower lip softly as he watched the unit chief walk by with his trademark stern frown and a file in his hand. His eyes followed the older man's retreating figure before forcing them back to the sheets of paper now lying abandoned on his desk.

He tried to focus on finishing reading through the files but couldn't bring himself to do so, which was becoming an increasingly frequent incidence and quickly growing into a disaster. Reid sighed quietly and rubbed his eyes furiously with his hands.

It was official. He was losing it and didn't have a clue in the world how to get over it.

He had always respected the unit chief for his bravery, loyalty and capability. Aaron Hotchner was a man of many distinguished traits. An able leader, a loving father and a brave survivor of many horrendous events forced onto his personal life. After Gideon's disappearance, Reid revered Hotch as an almost paternal figure, someone he trusted to protect him, guide him and be there for him.

It wasn't until it was too late when Reid realized that respect had turned into affection and then into a one-sided love that tore him apart from within. Coming to acknowledging this unknown feelings was already bad enough. Knowing Hotch would never reciprocate his sentiment was downright painful and haunted him every minute of his waking and sleeping minute.

He wanted those strong arms wrapped around him, those deep eyes staring into his lovingly. He had never wanted anything more in his life, and it was starting to frighten him. He had even contemplated quitting his job, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Not only did he love the job too much, but he couldn't imagine himself not being able to even see the unit chief.

"Hey kid, you alright?"

Reid jumped and turned wide-eyed at Derek Morgan, who was staring at him with an expression of equal surprise. He knew Reid had a tendency to get jumpy, but it was usually never this bad.

"Woa, you OK?"

"Y,yeah, sorry...was just focusing on the files..."

Morgan frowned at the younger agent in concern. Reid was a terrible liar anytime outside of interrogating unsubs, especially to the rest of team.

"You must've been really focusing, because you've been on the same page for a very long time. You decided to start reading like us mortals now?" Morgan teased, trying to conceal his growing concern for the younger man.

"Are you spying on me?"

"You do realize that our desks are all next to each other, right?"

Reid blushed at the comment and began playing with the hem of his shirt. He knew that Morgan was very good at reading him and would know that something was bothering him. While there was no doubt that Morgan would support him no matter what, Reid couldn't bring himself to admit to exactly what was on his mind.

"I guess I was just blanking out."

"That's a first," Morgan chuckled, taking note of Reid's nervous behavior. "But if you ever want to talk to me about anything, you know where to find me, pretty boy."

Reid nodded shyly and rotated his chair back to facing the desk. He was glad that Morgan wasn't prying more information out of him, but then again, that's just how Morgan had always been.

The young genius peeked from his desk when he heard Hotch's door open again. The unit chief was outside his office again, reading a file as he walked briskly across the bullpen. Reid knew that Hotch had been under immense stress, stemmed from budget cuts and stuck-up bureaucrats who apparently had issued with the unit, in addition to a string of cases which nearly drove the entire team to a breaking point. While Reid had no doubt that Hotch was more than capable of handling the situation, he grew concerned. He couldn't even remember the last time he saw anything but a frown on the other man's face.

"The boss man looks stressed out."

Reid swung his chair around to the sound of Penelope Garcia, who had dropped by donning a number of colorful ribbons.

"Yeah, well, can you blame him?" Emily replied, closing a file she had just finished reviewing.

"I think we all need a break, pronto," Garcia mused.

"That we do, baby girl, but we all know that's just wishful thinking."

"We might actually get to go home early today, though. No new case so far," Emily commented, turning to the rest of the team. "I think I'm going to lock JJ up somewhere so we can all go home."

Morgan and Garcia chuckled as Emily crossed her fingers. Just then, JJ walked into the bullpen, a smile on her face, which most likely meant that they were in fact going back home on time for a change.

"Hey guys."

"I really, really need you to tell me we can go home," Emily groaned, leaning against her chair and swining about lazily. Garcia nodded with a hopeful twinkle in her eyes.

"Seems like you guys are free for the evening. Enjoy it while you can."

"I'm out of here," Emily blurted as she began packing up her bag and grabbing her coat off the chair. Morgan was quick to follow suit, as Garcia almost ran back to her lair. JJ chuckled and walked back to her office, leaving Reid to sit still by his desk with a small frown.

He knew that Hotch was most likely going to be staying late, and it wasn't as if he had anything to do once he got off work. In fact, he hated going back to his house, where he felt the loneliest.

"Hey kid, you not heading home?"

"No, just going to finish some things up and then go."

"Aw man, you really are something. I'll see you tomorrow, kid."

"Bye Spence! Don't work too late!" Emily called out before following Morgan out to the elevator. Reid forced a smile and waved them good-bye before turning to the files on his desk. A few minutes passed with Reid idly shuffling through pieces of paper, not even registering anything on the pages. All he wanted was to see Hotch one more time before heading home.

He nibbled at his lower lip again when he heard familiar footsteps approaching him. He forced himself to sit still and pretend to be focused on the file he's holding.

"What are you still doing here, Reid?"

Reid swung around in his chair and faced the man who had been responsible for the recent sleepless nights and his newfound habit of biting his lower lip. Hotch was standing with a questioning expression, holding a folder in his right hand.

"I, I was just finishing up some files," Reid answered, cursing inwardly at how obviously nervous he sounded. He was an excellent profiler, but for the love of all things holy, he couldn't get himself to at least appear composed in front of the other man.

"Did Prentiss and Morgan push their files to you again?"

"N,no!" Reid blurted flushing. "No, they didn't. Um, is there anything I can help you with? I know you've been very busy lately..."

Hotch stared at the other man silently, which made Reid fidget nervously in his seat.

"I wouldn't ask you to do something like this for me, but could you do me a personal favor, Reid?"

"Y,yeah, sure, Hotch. What is it?"

"I need someone to look over Jack for a couple of hours while I take care of some things. Could you do that?"

"Oh course. Where is he?"

"Jessica will be dropping him off at my house. Will you be able to head over there now?"

Reid nodded. All members of the team knew where each other lived, in case of emergencies. The young genius smiled inwardly as he was handed the key to the house. While he was quite fond of Jack, he had never been inside the new house, and as sad as it sounded to Reid, the idea of spending his evening at Hotch's house was more than perfect.

"Thank you, Reid. I'll see you at home. We'll all have dinner together, yes?"

The younger man nodded with a smile, amazed at how things were getting even better. He knew Hotch didn't mean anything romantic by it, but he couldn't help but feel almost giddy at the gesture. He was willing to fool himself for the time being.

0

Only a few minutes after entering the house, Reid heard the sound of the door opening, followed by light footsteps.

"Hey Jack," Reid greeted with a gentle smile as the young boy came bouncing towards him. Jessica waved at the young genius in a silent greeting, to which Reid replied with a polite smile and a curt nod.

"Hi Uncle Spence," Jack greeted back, grinning from ear to ear. The two had built a surprisingly close connection to each other.

"How have you been, Jack?"

"Good," Jack answered, drawing out his o's. "What about you, Uncle Spence?"

"I've also been good. A little busy, but good."

"Alright, Jack, you behave, OK?" Jessica gave the boy a quick hug before turning to Reid. "Thanks for doing this, Dr. Reid."

"Oh, no problem."

"OK, see you later Jack, Dr. Reid!"

The two walked towards the living room as soon as they heard the door shut. Reid was notorious for spoiling Jack by sneaking him a cookie or two when Hotch wasn't around, and today was no exception. Obviously, Hotch was well-aware of what's going on, but pretended like he had no idea. It was actually quite endearing that the two shared such "secret."

Reid rummaged through his bag and drew out a small chocolate bar and handed it to the grinning boy.

"Remember, you can't tell your dad," Reid whispered, even pretending to look around to make sure Hotch wasn't around.

"I promise, Uncle Spence!" Jack whispered back.

"But what do you have to do before eating it?"

"Wash my hands."

"And why do we do that?"

"Because of germs!" Jack answered confidently, filling Reid with a sense of pride. He had done a good job of educating Hotch's son of the importance of keeping "germs" away and staying healthy.

Reid watched Jack run to the bathroom to wash hands and return moments later. Jack was quick to devouring the chocolate bar, which made Reid quite pleased with himself.

"Hey Jack, why don't you go ahead and do your homework? We'll study together now and then play later," Reid suggested, to which Jack nodded and retrieved his backpack. Jack was an almost unrealistically well-behaved and calm child, and Reid just knew that he got that from his father. Reid briefly wondered if Hotch was like Jack when he was young. It did paint an odd but adorable image in his head.

The two sat at the dining table, with Jack quietly solving math problems and Spencer reading a book that he had been meaning to get to for some time now. It was peaceful. Everything seemed so perfect.

Reid wondered if this was what his life would be like if Hotch and he got together. Living together in this house, with Jack by his side, waiting for Hotch to come home so that they can have a nice family dinner. Reid flushed at the thought, feeling foolish for letting his mind drift so far into the realm of impossible.

Then it became painful knowing that this was a one time thing that was going to end in a matter of a few hours. It just wasn't fair that something so beautiful and perfect will never be his.

"Are you OK, Uncle Spence?"

Reid jumped at the voice and turned his attention to Jack, who had stopped working and was looking at him with concern evident in his big, gentle eyes.

"Sorry, I was just lost in thought."

"Are you in love?" Jack asked, propping his head up on his small hands.

"W,why would you say that?" Reid asked, trying his best to hide his surprise and embarrassment at being caught.

"Mommy told me that when people become lost in thought, it's because they're in love. I asked daddy and he said mommy was right."

Reid stared at the boy with raised eyebrows and then let out a sigh. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell someone about what's been eating him away for the past few months. He wouldn't dare tell any of the members of the team, and he didn't have anyone he could confide in to talk about his romantic affairs.

"Can you keep a secret, Jack?" Reid asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah."

"I guess you can say that I'm in love," Reid continued and began blushing immediately, not believing that he let those words out of his mouth for once. It did make him feel better, but it really was quite embarrassing. Especially when he was talking about the boy's own father.

"Did you give her flowers?"

"No," Reid smiled at Jack's sudden enthusiasm.

"Daddy told me that men are supposed to."

"I'll make a note."

"Is she pretty?"

Reid coughed, trying to conceal his surprise at the question. Hotch was anything but pretty, but he wasn't about to explain to Jack that he was in love with another man.

"I think so."

"Are you going to marry her?"

The young field agent stopped and bit his lower lip again. The conversation was quickly turning painful for him, and he was afraid that opening his mouth would lead him to cry. And that was the last thing he wanted to happen. He had kept it bottled up inside him for so long, just talking about it with someone was making everything so much more real, leaving him feeling more emotionally vulnerable than he had ever been.

"I don't know, Jack..." Reid whispered, turning his gaze to the table.

"Why not?"

"Well, she doesn't know that I love her."

"Why don't you tell her?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because she will never feel the same way."

Jack paused momentarily before continuing, suddenly feeling sad now that Uncle Spence was sad.

"But daddy told me you're amazing."

Reid looked up from the table in surprise, but quickly reminded himself that Hotch probably didn't mean it the same way he was hoping.

"He likes you, and I like you, so she will like you, too, Uncle Spence."

"Thank you, Jack."

The two both stood up when they heard the doorbell ring. Reid carefully made his way to the door and quickly peeked through the peephole and sighed in relief when he saw Hotch. Once he opened the door, Jack ran past him to hug his dad, and Reid felt his heart skip a beat as he watched a genuinely happy smile spread across the usual stoic unit chief's face.

"You didn't give Uncle Spence here any trouble, did you?" Hotch asked his son, who shook his head vigorously.

"We studied together," Jack supplied, as he hopped back to the living room to show evidence of his hard work. Reid was glad that Jack wasn't bringing up the conversation they had.

"Well, look at you. Why don't I go get changed and we make spaghetti together for Uncle Spence?"

"Okay!" Jack answered excitedly and began clearing the table, tucking his books and homework back into his backpack. Reid watched in amazement and how the two worked so well with each other. He had no fond memories of such father-and-son moments.

Once Jack was in his room to put his backpack away, Hotch turned to Reid with a tired smile.

"Thank you for doing this. I hope it wasn't too much trouble."

"No, not at all. I actually really enjoy spending time with Jack," Reid replied, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. "You two are really lucky to have each other."

The unit chief watched the younger man in silence. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it and just nodded in reply.

* * *

**My first Criminal Minds fic. **  
**Continue? **

**Leave reviews and let me know what you think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Daddy, can I get more meatballs?"

"Of course you can."

Reid swallowed visibly as he watched the usual stoic unit chief handing the bowl of spaghetti to his son with a loving smile. Watching him like this, Reid realized that he had fallen for the other man all over again. With passing minutes, his feelings were growing unbearable intense and longing. He didn't even think it was possible, but here Hotch was, making his heart ache with a simple smile.

"Reid?"

The young agent jumped in his seat and blushed furiously when he realized that he had been staring at Hotch. The older man was watching him with an expression of mild concern, something Reid had learned to distinguish from his usual scrutiny over the year.

"Sorry, did you say something?" Reid asked softly, pretending to be busily twirling the pasta with his fork.

"Would you like some more as well?" Hotch asked again, gently pushing the plate towards the younger man. Reid nodded shyly and took a couple more to his plate, despite how full he was already.

"Daddy, can Uncle Spence sleep here tonight?" Jack blurted out, catching the attention of the two agents at the table.

"Well, Jack, you're going to have to ask Uncle Spence," Hotch answered carefully as he turned to Reid. "I don't want to force you into anything, but you're welcomed to if you'd like."

Reid almost dropped his fork as he stared back with his mouth agape. Surely, the gesture was innocent on both Jack and Hotch's part, but the very idea of sleeping in the house of the man who he was madly in love with was both thrilling and frightening. What if he had another nightmare and woke up the house screaming? Will Hotch and Jack treat him any differently? Will they think he was crazy?

But a much more vocal part of his mind was commanding him to take the chance. That spending more time with Hotch is worth anything short of death.

"Thank you, Jack. I'd love to."

"Yeah! Can we sleep together in my room?"

"Sure thing."

"Reid, you don't have to do that. There's a guest room you can sleep in."

"It's fine. We'll have a great time, right, Jack?"

"Yeah!" Jack answered cheerfully before taking another forkful into his mouth. Reid grinned and then turned a worried gaze at the unit chief. He wondered if he should have declined the offer. Hotch was probably just trying to be polite and not disappoint his son. The genius sighed at his stupidity, realizing it's too late to return home for the night. Hotch was going to be annoyed now, and the possibility was enough to make him lose the little appetite left in him.

After dinner, Reid volunteered to wash the dishes with Jack so that Hotch could make some phonecalls and take care of some work on the computer. The young agent grinned inwardly, entertaining the idea of pretending to be otch's wife, doing housework with "their son." Somehow, the events of the past few hours were making the young doctor question is masculinity, but he couldn't bring himself to really care.

Hotch emerged back into the kitchen once Reid and Jack were finished.

"Jack, could I talk to Uncle Spence privately?"

"OK, daddy," Jack nodded and trailed off to his room, leaving the two agents standing in the kitchen. Reid began playing with the hem of his shirt, knowing that he was in trouble. Hotch was going to reprimand him for agreeing to sleep at their house. How could he have been so stupid?

"Reid," Hotch began, frowning at the sudden change in the other man's demeanor.

"I'm sorry," Reid blurted out before Hotch even had achance to continue.

"For what?"

"I shouldn't have said I was going to sleep over. I'm sorry."

Hotch watched in silence, surprised at the sudden apology. He did not see that one coming. Reid was now staring at his own feet, fidgeting nervously.

"Reid. I actually wanted to talk to you about how much I appreciate you doing this for Jack," Hotch continued in a much hushed tone. Reid snapped his head up in surprise, his big, brown eyes opened wide.

"Jack needed this. Thank you. I just hope it's not too uncomfortable staying in Jack's room. Let me know if you need anything."

"Uh, yeah, sure thing, Hotch."

"And Reid," Hotch added after a pause. "Jack really likes having you around, so you're welcomed anytime." With that, the older agent made his way to tell his son to get ready for bed.

Reid stood still, watching the retreating figure. A part of him was glad that Hotch wasn't mad at him, but the part of him which was so helplessly in love ached that it wasn't Hotch who enjoyed his company. He loved Jack, there was no question there, but he felt a pang of jealousy. It was illogical and silly, and very unlike him, but Reid felt bitter that it was always about Jack and never him.

Reid covered his face with his hands in horror, hating himself for such juvenile thoughts. He felt disgusted with himself.

"Uncle Spence, I got you a new toothbrush!" Reid removed his hands and came face to face with Jack waving a pack of new toothbrush. The young agent took it gratefully and crouched down to meet boy's eye-level. He then hugged the boy, shutting his eyes tightly and willing the guilt to go away.

"Uncle Spence?" Jack whispered, wrapping his tiny arms around the older man. "Are you OK?"

"Of course I am. I'm just so happy to be here, Jack."

"Okayyy...daddy says you can borrow his PJs."

"I'll go get them right now. And then we can play in your room, OK?"

"OK!"

Reid inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times before making his way to Hotch's room. He knocked against the closed door and opened the door slowly when he heard a low "come in." The unit chief looked up from his phone and then pointed to the neatly folded pile of clothes on his bed.

"I hope those fit."

The younger agent carefully took the pile into his hands and lingered by the bed, unsure of what to say or do. Being in Hotch's house was one thing. Being in the bedroom was a whole 'nother thing.

"Reid, shut the door," Hotch commanded softly, placing his phone by the night table. Reid complied obediently, wondering if he had been too obvious. Afterall, he was in love with one of the best profilers in the world. It would't be too surprising for Hotch to see right through him , especially with how he had been behaving for the last few hours.

"Reid, is there anything you want to tell me?" The unit chief asked with a firm voice, his strong eyes locked onto the lanky man's softer ones.

"Why would you ask me that?" Reid answered with a question, trying not to break eye contact.

"I need to know if there is something bothering you. I've noticed changes in your behavior in the last couple of months, and while it hasn't affected your performance yet, I still need to be notified."

Reid bit his lip and clenched his fists tightly. Of course Hotch was more concerned about his performance as a profiler than anything else.

"Are you profiling me?" Reid spat with more venom than he had intended, feeling angry all of a sudden at how it was all so unfair. He was so in love with Hotch. He had spent the last months worrying for the other man, wondering if he was handling work stress alright, if he was gettin enough sleep, if he was taking care of himself. And here was Hotch, near interrogating him at a strictly professional level.

It hurt. And the pain quickly turned into sharp anger. It took Reid everything in his power to keep it from blowing up at Hotch's face.

"I don't need to profile you to see that something's been bothering you."

"It's nothing," Reid snapped defensively.

"Reid..." Hotch continued but stopped when he saw the look on the other man's face. It was a clear sign to not push the matter any further. The unit chief broke eye contact and picked his phone back up. "Why don't you get ready."

"Hotch, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry," Reid apologized immediately, feeling guilty that he had unleashed a bit of his own anger at the other man. It wasn't fair for anyone. He knew what he felt was one-sided. He knew it'd never be reciprocated, and he had promised himself to act accordingly. To never demand anything from the older man.

"I understand, Reid. Just know that I consider everyone in the team like family, and I hope you do the same."

"I do..." the young agent barely spoke above a whisper, hanging his head in shame. "I'll just go and get ready now." Reid exited the room hurridly, not sure how much more he could handle for the night.

After getting ready, Reid and Jack were both on Jack's bed, with Reid telling the boy tales his own mother had read to him as a child. Jack listened captivated, snuggling against the agent. Reid hesitantly drew an arm around the small child.

It was an almost surreal experience. To have someone so vulnerable so close to him, seeking comfort in none other than himself. It filled him with a sense of unfamiliar pride as he continued his story. A few good minutes later, Jack was sound alseep cuddled up against Reid. The agent smiled to himself and closed his eyes as well, enjoying the peace and warmth. He wondered if this was what family was supposed to feel like.

In the other room, Aaron Hotchner closed his laptop with a frustrated sigh. He was feeling uncharacteristically distracted. Reid had been acting strangely for the past few months, something Rossi was quite quick to pick up as well. Reid avoided his eye contact frequently, acted skittish around him at times and worst of all was spending awfully long hours at the office.

The unit chief wondered if something was wrong with his mother, but couldn't bring himself to ask. He even considered the possibility that Reid was back to substance abuse but brushed that thought aside. He had enough faith in the younger agent to know that he was stronger than that.

Hotch pushed himself off the chair and made his way to Jack's room. It was quiet. He gently pushed the door open and stared in surprise at the peaceful scene before him. Reid was lying with his arm protectively around his son, with his son sleeping contently, snuggled against the young agent.

Reid opened his eyes at the sound of the door opening and then smiled sheepishly at his superior.

"He fell asleep just now," Reid whispered, pulling the blanket up higher to cover Jack's shoulders. Hotch watched the caring gesture and smiled. It had been so long since he had seen anyone so close to Jack. Hotch walked into the room quietly and sat at the corner of the bed, careful not to wake his son up.

"Thank you, Reid."

"I...I like spending time with Jack."

"I know. I still want to thank you for doing this."

The two men stared into each others' eyes and smiled simultaneously. Hotch brushed Jack's locks back and left the room, not forgetting to tell Reid goodnight.

0

"I'll draw a smiley face for you Uncle Spence!" Reid chuckled quietly as he watched Jack fumble with the maple syrup and whipcream, trying his best to draw a smiley face on his stack of pancakes.

"It's very good, Jack. Thank you."

Reid had woken up in a rather uplifting spirit this morning. No nightmares, no twisting and turning. Just a good night's sleep. Something he hadn't had for a very long time. Hotch had woken the two up with the promise of pancakes, Jack's favorite, which made Jack drag Reid off the bed.

Hotch was still in his comfortable home-clothes, which Reid found quite intriguing. He was just so used to seeing the man in suits or something equally prim and proper. It was a pleasant change.

The unit chief watched the interaction between the two and chuckled to himself. It was nice to have another person joining them for their weekend brunch. He just hoped that they not be called into office for a new case. It's been too long since the last time he got a chance to spend some quality time with his son.

"Daddy, can Uncle Spence live with us forever?" Jack asked suddenly as if he had an epipheny. Both Hotch and Reid turned to the young boy in surprise.

"Jack, Uncle Spence has his own house he lives in," Hotch answered as he ruffled his son's hair. Jack sat still, his eyes narrowed in concentration. Reid blushed at the idea of declaring permanent residence at the Hotchner house. To be able to enjoy breakfast like this with them everyday...only if...

"Then daddy, can you marry Uncle Spence so he can live with us?" Jack asked innocently, his big expressive eyes hopeful. Reid chocked on his pancake and began coughing and wheezing. Hotch watched the younger agent in shock for a brief moment before returning his attention back to his son.

"No, Jack," Hotch answered as he swiftly handed the younger agent a glass of water.

"Why not?"

"Because only people who love each other very much get married."

"You don't love Uncle Spence?"

"I do, but not in the same way," Hotch explained carefully after a brief pause. He knew that his son was too young to fully understand the difference.

Reid squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He had gotten control over his breathing and swallowing, but couldn't get his heart to stop beating so fast and hard in his chest. It was nice to see that Hotch hadn't limited the definition of marriage to that of between man and woman, but it hurt to confirm that Hotch didn't see Reid as a potential romantic partner.

"But I want Uncle Spence to live with me," Jack muttered while pouting, stabbing his pancake with his fork, displaying one of his rare moments of childlike petulance. Hotch didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and judging from Reid's expression, the young agent wasn't too comfortable with the conversation.

"Uncle Spence can come visit anytime, right, Reid?" Hotch turned an hopeful eye at Reid.

"Of course!" Reid answered, his voice coming out a lot higher than he had intended. He coughed nervously and took another sip of water. Jack beamed and resumed eating, content with the answer for the time being.

After finishing brunch and cleaning up, Jack ran up to his father and asked to go to the playground together. Hotch agreed, with Reid's permission of course. So the three headed to a park nearby. The two adults sat on a bench and watched Jack run around with other children from the neighborhood.

"Reid, I meant it when I told Jack you can come anytime," Hotch began, startling Reid.

"Oh, um...thank you. I will," Reid answered after a brief glance at his superior. He began playing with his own hands, itching to extend them and grab hold of the older man's.

"When I told you last night I was concerned about your performance..." Hotch paused, his eyes still fixed on his son running and laughing. "As you know, our line of work is dangerous, and we can't risk you putting yourself in any danger because you were distracted. I almost lost you once to Tobias Hankel. I refuse to let it happen again."

Reid stared at the unit chief in surprise. The sentiment was touching, especially coming from Hotch who didn't express his concern openly as others did. The younger man smiled to himself, relieved that Hotch didn't consider him as just another agent within the bureau.

The two sat in silence, just watching the children playing and enjoying the sense of peace it brought them. It was a much needed solace after days of staring at crime scene photos, listening to the grieving of victims' families and interrogating unsubs.

0

After the park, Reid returned to his own home, wanting to give Hotch and his son a chance to spend some quality time together. Once inside the privacy of his own place, Reid rolled onto his couch with an uncharacteristic idiotic smile on his face.

The events of the last two days had been unreal. He spent a night over at Hotch's house, although not entirely in the way he had dreamed of, but he knew beggars cant be choosers. It even gave him a fleeting sense of hope, which he shot down immediately.

He kept reminding himself that he had to be happy with just being able to stay near Hotch. That if he was lucky, he'd get over his feelings for the other man sometime in the near future. Before it destroyed him.

But right now, he was going to enjoy the rare moment of true happiness.

"_Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length_..." Reid murmured the quote to himself in justification. Tomorrow, he'll go back to facing reality, but for now, he wanted to believe that he had taken a significant step forward.

* * *

**I'm both blown away and humbled by all the wonderful reviews left for the previous chapter! I'm so glad that many of you liked it, commented on it, faved it, followed the story etc. :) I hope to continue to communicate with you all, so feel free to drop me a line!**

**Heads up! The plot won't be developing into quick romance. So for those who NEED "fast and fluffy" hmm...but hey, why not give it a shot? Heh.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (And kudos to anyone who knows the author of the quote!)**


	3. Chapter 3

Monday morning, Reid entered the bullpen to see that he was the first one in. With the exception of Hotch, who was called to an emergency meeting. The young agent took his time rearranging items on his desk and getting himself a cup of coffee, waiting for the rest of the team to arrive.

His heart-to-heart with Hotch had left him a it shaken up, as if he had treaded into dangerous territory. Surely Hotch wouldn't find out just from what he had told him? Reid groaned when he realized that he had written "Aaron Hotchner" on a post-it. He furiously crossed the name out and crumpled the small piece of paper before shoving it deep into the bin.

This was really getting out of control. He had been reduced to writing the name of his crush like some lovesick teenager, something he didn't think he'd ever do in his lifetime. He stuck his tongue out in mild disgust at himself and returned to his coffee.

"Hey, kid. You have a good weekend?" Morgan asked in his usual good-natured voice as he entered the bullpen. He slapped the younger man on the back before situating himself by his desk.

"I guess you could say that," Reid answered, trying to hide his smile behind the coffee cup.

"Oh, hold up now. A good weekend? Let me guess, a hot date?" Morgan asked with a playful grin, swinging in his chair.

"Nothing like that."

"OK, read a book you liked?"

"No."

"I'm out of options."

"What are you guys talking about?"

The two men turned to the voice of Emily Prentiss, who was standing over them with a curious expression.

"Dr. Spencer Reid here had a good weekend, and I'm trying to figure out what he did."

"Hot date?"

"That was my first guess."

"Good book?"

"That was my second guess."

"I'm out of ideas."

"Wow, seriously, you guys?" Reid asked, feeling slightly offended that it was either a hot date or a book for him. He knew he wasn't the most sociable of the bunch, but still.

"Reid, you left this at the house." All three field agents jumped and turned to the new voice. Hotch was standing with a book in his hand, his characteristic frown on his face.

"Oh, thanks." Reid took it, hoping his face wasn't betraying his embarrassment. Hotch walked back into the office afterwards, leaving Morgan and Prentiss blinking in surprise.

"So...your idea of a good weekend was going to Hotch's place?" Morgan asked incredulously, not understanding how it could be any fun. He knew Hotch, and while he admired the unit chief, he was not the person he turned to for fun and games.

"Wow, Reid, you need to get out more," Emily added, making Morgan chuckle lowly.

"I was watching over Jack!" Reid hissed indignantly, feeling a brush creeping onto his face.

"OK, I guess that makes a bit more sense. So what did you guys do?" The older male agent asked.

"Hey guys, sorry to do this first thing on a Monday morning, but we have a case," JJ announced as she walked into the bullpen, interrupting the three of them. Reid sighed in relief, glad that he was no longer the center of attention.

0

Despite Reid's best efforts to keep a certain distance from his boss, Jack had persuaded his father to bring Reid back home the next weekend. And it sadly, it didn't take much on Hotch's part to persuade the young doctor.

So when Saturday rolled around, Reid found himself sitting next to Jack in the living room, engaged in strangely unnerving yet sweet conversation.

"Uncle Spence," Jack began, his voice barely above a whisper. "Did you tell her yet?"

"Tell who what?" Reid asked confused. Jack stretched his head out to make sure his dad wasn't listening. He had promised Uncle Spence to keep it a secret, so he was going honor it. His dad had taught him the importance of keeping promises.

"The girl you like, Uncle Spence. Did you give her flowers yet?"

"Oh," Reid mouthed, shocked that Jack was following up on their conversation from last week. Who would've thought that Hotch's son would be interested in other people's love affairs? "No, not yet."

"Did you tell her you like her?"

"No. And I don' think I will," Reid admitted with a heavy sign.

"What are you two up to now?" Hotch entered the living room with a gentle smile on his face. Jack shook his head with a defiant, "It's a secret, daddy," and turned to the young doctor with a wide grin.

Hotch slid next to his son, putting Jack between him and Reid.

"Reid, you'd make a great father," Hotch commented, making the younger man blink in confusion.

"Statistically speaking, I wouldn't be," Reid answered with a frown. A dismal father-to-son relationship and being at risk for Alzheimer's was not a good combination. To make things worse, he wasn't good with people, and when it came to romantic encounters, his current record including a short-lived fling with an actress and being hopelessly in love with his boss.

"Reid, trust me on this. You'd make a wonderful father," Hotch tried to reassure the other agent. The unit chief knew about Reid's insecurities when it came to relationships at any level. But he knew there was so much good in him. He had a brilliant mind and a kind heart, two things which were sure to make him a great father to a very lucky child. He could tell just by how well he interacted with his own son.

When the pizza arrived, the three sat in front of the TV, idly watching some cartoon as they enjoyed their dinner. Jack made it his mission to teach Reid about all the characters, which the genius obviously memorized very quickly.

After dinner, Hotch disposed of the pizza box and made his way back to the living room to see that Reid and Jack had gotten off the couch and were standing in front of the TV. The unit chief placed a hand over his mouth to stifle a laughter, as he watched Jack barking orders at Reid as the two danced to some tune playing on the TV.

Hotch was familiar with the dance routine. It was on the same cartoon show they were watching, and Jack had always danced along to it. The problem was Reid. Everyone on the team knew that he was probably the worst dancer in the bureau, but here he was, flailing his long and thin arms and legs about, missing beats and fumbling horribly. Jack's encouragements and commands were not helping the poor agent one bit.

The unit chief couldn't take it anymore. Reid's dancing was so ridiculous, the hand over his mouth could no longer stop him from laughing out loud. Reid jumped at the unfamiliar noise and blushed furiously once he spotted his unit chief. He groaned in horror, wanting to hide but not knowing where to go. He knew how he looked when he danced. It was why he never did it in public.

"I'm glad I amuse you, Hotch..." Reid muttered bitterly as he shoved his hands into his pockets. But deep inside, he was pleasantly surprised to see the older man laugh. He couldn't remember Hotch laughing out loud during the many years they spent working in the same team.

"I was teaching Uncle Spence to dance, daddy!"

"Good job, buddy," Hotch inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to control his laughter. It had been so long since he had laughed like that, and it felt good. Really good. "Reid, I never knew you were so talented," the unit chief joked, entering the living room.

The young doctor blinked. _Hotch actually made a joke? _Reid played along and rolled his eyes at the older agent.

"Oh, thanks. Hey Jack, why don't we dance with your dad, too?" Reid suggested with vengeance, his eyes twinkling in mischief. Jack perked up at the suggestion and pulled his father towards the TV.

Hotch narrowed his eyes at the other agent, promising revenge in the near future. Jack was his kryptonite, and Reid was definitely taking advantage of that.

"Yeah! Daddy, come on!" Jack began dancing as the two agents exchanged playfully menacing glances. Hotch reluctantly willed his limbs to move to the beat, trying his best to keep some degree of dignity by dancing with a stern expression. It only made things a lot more amusing.

Reid had gotten over his initial embarrassment and was dancing as he enjoyed this newfound side of the older agent. For Hotch, it was as if he had gone back in time. Before Haley's death. When work hadn't consumed him and turned him into this dark, mechanical person. He was having fun for a change. Finding happiness in simpler things.

For the minute the three danced, everything was perfect.

Once the song was over, the two agents looked at each other and grinned like two children.

"You tell anyone else about this, I'll hunt you down," Hotch started, humor playing in his eyes despite the stern expression.

"I wouldn't dare," Reid answered, with his arms up in mock surrender.

Hotch plopped onto the floor and then lied down on the soft carpet floor with a content smile on his face. Reid followed suit and lied down as well, with Jack joining the two of them in the middle. The three stared up into the ceiling, listening to the sound of each others' breathing.

It really was perfect.

0

Jack was very persuasive in his argument to keep Reid for yet another sleepover, thanks to the puppy-dog look he had perfected over the years, but spending another night in the house was the last thing Reid wanted. If he wanted to maintain some semblance of sanity, that is.

The evening had given a whole new insight to Hotch as a person, not an FBI agent, and Reid found the smile, warmth and humor to be overwhelming. He was not going to last very long staying in such close proximity to the older man. He really didn't need another reason to love him.

Dr. Reid slammed his head against the wall of the bathroom as soon as he locked the door. He had succumbed to Jack's doe-eyes and pout combo and was now forced to spend the night at the Hotchner residency, where he was going to be hyper-aware of the other man sleeping in the vicinity.

After flushing the toilet and turning the tap on to prevent suspicion, Reid wiped his face furiously with his hands and then stared at himself in the mirror. _Keep calm and carry on_, he told himself.

Jack however, was apparently on a mission to make Uncle Spence's life a lot harder. Jack insisted on all three of them sleeping in a tent made of blankets and towels. A project that both Hotch and Reid had partaken in without knowledge of what to come. Hotch agreed without a second thought, which left Reid to agree to the preposition as well.

The three squeezed inside the tent, with the two agents to either sides of a very happy young boy. Reid was tired, of course he was. The case had taken so much out of him, but it was getting impossible to fall asleep when he could hear Hotch's breathing. The young genius squirmed uncomfortably, still careful not to wake the other two.

He tried counting sheep, even though past experiences had taught him that he just ended up counting to a four digit number and had moved on to other things. It wasn't going to help him then and wasn't going to help him now.

Reid ventured a glance at the unit chief's sleeping figure. Hotch looked so peaceful in his sleep, an arm wrapped protectively around his son. The young agent watched mesmerized, feeling his chest tighten. He wanted so badly to run his fingers across his face, to feel him against his skin. To validate that it was indeed Aaron Hotchner sleeping right next to him, that it wasn't some image his brain had conjured up as a result of his longing.

"Hotch..." Reid breathed softly. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer. He smiled sheepishly, embarrassed even though he knew no one was watching him.

It was the last thing he saw before he fell asleep.

0

Reid's eyes darted around frantically, trying to register his surroundings. He needed to know it was just a nightmare. His heart was still pounding in his head, his body covered in cold sweat.

"Reid?"

The young agent jumped at his name and then realized that Hotch was watching him with a hand on his shoulder. Reid swallowed a few times and cleared his throat, willing his voice to start working again.

"Hotch..." He croaked. "I'm sorry. Did I..." Reid wanted to ask if he was screaming and if that was what woke him up but trailed off. Hotch understood immediately.

"No. I just heard the sheets rustling. Jack's still asleep," Hotch lied for the other agent. Reid hadn't screamed. But he was whimpering, and that was what had gotten the unit chief's attention.

"I'm sorry for waking you up. I'll just sleep somewhere else for the night," Reid murmured, keeping his voice low. He quickly scanned Jack's sleeping figure and sighed in relief, glad that he hadn't woken the entire house up.

But it really wasn't making him feel any better. He should've known that the nightmares would come back. Of course they would. They always did.

"Reid, can we talk?" Hotch asked quietly, motioning to the opening of the tent. Reid nodded and followed his supervisor out, stretching his limbs in the process. The older man led the younger man to the kitchen and waited patiently for the other man to take a seat by him at the table.

"Reid. What's bothering you?" Hotch asked straightforwardly, his brows furrowed in concern. Reid swallowed hard, seeing the same expression he was so used to seeing around the office. He didn't want this turned into an interrogation and immediately turned defensive.

"It's just nightmares. I get them from time to time. Just work-related stress," Reid answered stiffly. The unit chief's frown deepened as he studied the younger man's demeanor.

"I couldn't sleep for days after Haley's death." Hotch paused and pulled his hands together in front of him. "Every time I closed my eyes, Foyet was there with Haley." Hotch closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again.

Reid listened in silence. Hotch had never told him something so intimate about himself. Especially after what Foyet had done.

"I didn't tell anyone. I pretended to be handling everything just fine for so long," Hotch continued, his eyes locked firmly onto Reid's. "Looking back, I wish I hadn't."

"Why?" Reid asked, his eyes wavering.

"Because hiding it never made anything better. Then one day, Rossi forced me to talk to him...and when I did, I could finally start moving on. I just hope that I can help you to do the same," he answered in a much softer tone.

"Hotch..." Reid began. "Have you ever wanted something you know you can't have?"

"...Yes, many things."

"What about something you want so badly, that it consumes every part of you? And you ask yourself why you let it happen in the first place. You blame yourself everyday, but you can't stop yourself. It haunts you, because you can never get away from it, and even if you wanted to run from it, deep down you know you won't, because-" Reid stopped himself when he realized he had been rambling.

"Reid, what is this about?" The older man asked, growing concerned that Reid may actually be using Dilaudid again.

"What," Reid continued after a nervous pause, "What happened after Tobias Hankel, I could overcome. But this, I'm not sure I can..."

Hotch watched the other man in silence before opening his mouth again. "Reid, can you tell me exactly what this is about?"

Reid bit his lower lip. For that moment, as he looked into the other man's eyes, he wanted so badly to tell him everything. The truth that was quickly becoming too much to keep bottled up inside. He was so tired. He kept telling himself that people became more emotional during the night, that his fatigue and the lingering fearing from his nightmare were making him want to give up on his secret.

But he knew he had to hold onto it. He would never risk having the other man know.

"I can't. Not yet."

"I understand. Just remember what I told you. Even if it's not me," Hotch replied calmly, knowing from experience that pushing the matter wasn't going to help Reid open up any better. "Let's go back to sleep. Feel free to sleep anywhere you feel comfortable."

"I'll join you in the tent."

Hotch didn't miss the sad smile on the younger agent's face.

0

The next morning, or more accurately around noon, the three were busy bustling around the kitchen in their attempt to fix a decent brunch. Reid was in charge of toasts, juice and assisting Jack in setting the table, while Hotch was responsible for making anything that required actual culinary skills.

Jack laughed at Reid when he managed to burn the first batch of toasts.

After the meal, just before they were getting ready to leave for another stroll in the park, Hotch received an urgent phone call from the bureau. He was requested by another team for help on a case, which forced him to leave the other two to spend the day together until he was finished. Reid agreed wholeheartedly to watching over little Hotchner, knowing he had nothing better to do than to read along at home otherwise.

A stroll in the park, a stop at an ice cream store, a quick mac and cheese dinner and Ice Age 3 later, Reid succeeded in tucking Jack into bed. Hotch had called early to apologize to him about running late, so it was up to the young doctor to ensure that Jack got an early night.

For Reid, who had never spent so many hours alone with a child, the experience felt quite nice. It made him wonder if he would have grown into a different person if his own father had spent time with him like he had with Jack. He pushed the thought aside, knowing it was only going to depress him.

Spencer crept out of Jack's room and closed the door quietly, trying his best not to wake the boy up. He was now going to have to just wait in the living room for Hotch's return so that he could go home. As relaxing as the evening was, he desperately needed actual sleep, and it was taking everything in his power to not just pass out on the couch.

After hours of running through old textbooks in his head, the young doctor glanced at the clock to see that it was a few minutes past midnight. What the hell was taking Hotch so long? Surely he wasn't arguing against Strauss or had taken up another case without his knowing... Had something happened on his way back home?

Reid sighed and tried to calm himself down. Hotch had a tendency to get lost in his work, so it wouldn't be all too surprisingly if he had lost track of time doing filework. He had always been dedicated to the bureau.

Then a faint sound was heard from the doorway. Reid got off the couch and slowly made his way towards the front door. He waited, but the sound disappeared. The young agent frowned and made his way to the door and looked through the peephole. There was nothing.

_Must've been a cat or something_...Reid huffed and returned to the living room, brushing his tired eyes with his hands.

"Where's your son?

Reid froze.

He didn't recognize the voice but he recognized the situation. He felt his blood run cold as he stood still, his hands still on his eyes. An all too familiar click sounded behind him, and he knew immediately that he was at a gunpoint.

"I said, _where's your son_?"

* * *

**Yes, I understand this one is a bit of a cliffy, but I realized I needed more time to really work on what follows!**

**Thank you so SO much for all the wonderful reviews, and I hope you enjoyeed this chapter. Let me know what you think! And please, please, PLEASE have a wonderful Christmas! :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: First off, I hope everyone had wonderful holiday season and are all of to a great start for 2013. Sorry about the delay with this chapter! Was busy and well, I had to rewrite and edit this one quite a few times until I was satisfied...and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Reid slowly removed his hands from his eyes and held them up in a sign of surrender. He cursed his luck, remembering that he had left his gun hidden deep inside his messenger bag so that Jack wouldn't accidentally come across it. He should have grabbed it as soon as he heard the noise...but he didn't and now he was in this situation that would most likely require a lot of luck to get both him and Jack out of it safely.

"I don't have a son," Reid answered softly, yet firmly, concealing his fear and anxiety.

"Liar!"

The young agent grimaced as the gun dug painfully into his back.

"I'm not lying. _I don't have a son_." He emphasized every word of the last sentence, trying his best to persuade the unsub. He had to think quickly and use everything he had learn so far at the BAU.

"I know you have a son. I watched you two," the voice growled impatiently. The profiler frowned. _Watched. _It meant that the unsub had mostly likely started stalking them from the stroll in the park and was convinced that Jack really was his son. He had followed them home and waited until what he considered the perfect time. This wasn't just about killing the "son." If it was, then the unsub would have shot him and then went off to look for Jack.

Reid bit his lower lip, trying to formulate a profile and a plan in his head. Whatever it was the unsub needed, he had invested time watching them and needed Reid to say or do something. To act in accordance with whatever fantasy was in his sick mind. The man mostly likely wanted the father to fight to protect his son or abandon his own son to try to save himself...but which was it?

The young agent knew he had to make a quick decision, but also couldn't risk taking a wrong turn. It was his own and Jack's life on the line, and he figured the unsub was in no condition to accept the truth that Jack was in fact not his son. For the time being, he had to buy time and play along.

"What do you want from us?" Reid asked, his eyes fixed on the window in front of him. From where he was standing, he could barely see the reflection of the man standing behind him. All he gathered was that the unsub was dressed in all black and was wearing what seemed to be a black ski mask.

"Where's your son?" The voice asked again, seemingly a lot more composed now.

"Just tell me what you need so we can work this out," Reid attempted once more, trying not let panic take over. He knew too well that he didn't have much longer. Time was running out too quickly and he wasn't getting anywhere closer to distracting or persuading the unsub.

"I'll ask you one more time, where's your son?"

Reid shut his eyes when he felt the gun pushed against his back even harder. He felt the hairs on his neck rise and a violent shiver run down his spine. He was starting to feel lightheaded, and his heart was pounding against his head, making it harder to continue his train of thought. He had spent all these years on the field, putting his life at risk, but had made it out safe each time. But here he was, without a gun or a backup. Being killed was becoming a reality he couldn't ignore no matter how much he tried to remain strong.

The young agent swallowed visibly and opened his eyes again slowly. His reflection in the mirror stared back at him in fear. It just wasn't fair.

Both Reid and the unsub jumped at the sound of the front door opening, followed by a jingling noise of keys hitting each other.

"Jack? Reid?"

_Hotch._

"Hotch! No-" Reid managed to turn around and scream out before a deafening gunshot was fired. Then there was complete silence all around the young agent as he felt an impact in his gut that sent him reeling back. For a second, there was nothing, but before he could even blink, there was a sharp burning sensation. In no time, the pain escalated into feeling as if a small bomb had exploded within himself.

He gasped for breath as he landed on his knees, his hands instinctively pressed against his stomach. He was vaguely aware of warm blood soaking his shirt and now seeping through his fingers. Then his legs and back gave away and he was on the floor, his face buried into the carpet.

The younger agent flinched as he heard another gunshot fired. With the adrenaline rushing through his veins, he forced himself to roll around. The pain was excruciating and he couldn't even bring himself to yell or scream, but he had to see what had happened. He had to see that Hotch wasn't hurt.

He didn't have to move much, because in an instance, he saw a figure clad in black fall limp besides him, landing on the carpet with a loud thud. It was the unsub, which meant...

Reid blinked furiously, trying to focus on Hotch's face as the unit chief ran to his side, abandoning his gun in a state of panic. He had to focus on forcing his lungs to continue intaking air despite the agonizing pain, but it was difficult when his vision became blurred. Everything was turning foggy and white, and at that instance, he knew that he was going into hypo-volemic shock.

"Reid!" Hotch called out, taking control of his emotion as to not betray the panic that was quickly taking over. Reid was on the floor, his eyes shut in pain as blood began soaking the carpet. The unit chief drew his phone out and immediately dialed 911 barking instructions. As soon as he was done, he threw the phone haphazardly onto the floor and gently rolled the wounded man completely on his back. He then grabbed a towel from the backroom and pushed it against the younger agent's abdomen, trying desperately to stop the bleeding.

"Daddy?" Hotch turned to the sound of his son's confused voice. Jack was standing in the hallway, holding onto his teddy bear tightly and watching the two. The unit chief sighed in relief now that he knew that his son was safe.

"Hey buddy, can you go back to your room and wait for me?"

"What happened, daddy? Are you OK? Is Uncle Spence OK? Who's that sleeping on the floor?" Jack asked innocently, wrapping his arms around the stuffed animal tightly.

"I'll explain later, OK buddy? Can you wait in the room for me?"

"OK," the boy obediently tracked back to his room and crawled back onto his bed. He pulled a blanket over himself and waitied patiently, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his father to retrieve him.

"Reid, look at me. Focus on my voice." Once he knew his son was back in the room, Hotch returned his focus back to Reid. He forced pressure onto the opening, ignoring how his hand was quickly becoming covered in blood. _Reid's blood_.

"You're going to be OK. Just stay awake until the medics arrive. You're going to be OK, do you understand?" The unit chief continued, stroking Reid's head in his best effort to be comforting.

Inside, Hotch was furious. Furious that he had let this happen. That Reid was the one lying on the floor bleeding. It should hace been him. He should have been the one home watching over his own son. He had put Reid in this position.

It killed him to watch the young agent gasping for breath. Watching his body go limp as blood continued to soak the towel red. Hotch waited hopelessly, cursing inwardly at the ambulance that was taking too damn long.

"H, Hotch..." Reid breathed, his eyes slowly regaining its focus.

"Don't speak. Just concentrate on staying awake."

Just then, he heard the ambulance siren, quickly followed by rushed footsteps. Paramedics and cops were surrounding the two in no time, and Hotch swiftly moved to the side to give them space to work. He watched helplessly as Reid was carried out of the house and into the vehicle.

He followed suit and boarded the ambulance as well, sitting in silence as the ambulance began moving. He vaguely registered the stats and orders the paramedics were shouting or the sound of the siren.

"Hotch." Reid's voice sent a sharp jolt through him. His name was spoken barely above a whisper, but it felt as if the younger agent was speaking right to his ears. The older man immediately leaned towards the other man.

"Reid, don't speak."

"N,need to...tell...tell you something..." Reid coughed and winced in pain, ignoring Hotch's command.

"Reid, you can tell me later. We're here." Hotch spoke in a more stern voice, watching the door of the ambulance open. He swiftly got off the bench to exit the vehicle but stopped when he felt a cold hand on his. Hotch looked down to see it was Reid's hand desperately holding onto his.

"Reid."

"No," Reid paused as he groaned in newfound sharp pain. He willed his trembling fingers to hold onto the warmth for a bit longer. He knew this could be the last time he was ever going to see Hotch's face. The last chance for him to be honest to himself and his feelings. Reid forced a weak smile, as he locked eyes with the man he was so helplessly in love with.

"Hotch...I, I love...you...always...have..." Reid breathed. His eyes fluttering momentarily before they were closed shut. The hand that had been holding onto Hotch's dropped limp to his side. Paramedics quickly hoisted him off the ambulance and carted him into the building, leaving Hotch standing alone.

Hotch froze in shock as the word hit him. Spencer Reid was in love with him. Love with him, Aaron Hotchner, his superior, the unit chief, the man who had never given the younger agent a reason to love him. Hotch quickly regained composure and rushed into the hospital. Now was not the time for him to dwell on the confession. He had to make sure that Reid gets off the table alive.

Reid knew he was being moved. He could hear the cacophony of wheels on the floor, nurses and doctors yelling over each other, beeping noises coming from all directions. But he wanted nothing more than to fall into deep slumber. He was slowly becoming numb to the pain and wanted to succumb to the fatigue. He was so tired. He had told Hotch the truth, and it was enough for him. He could still feel the ghost of warmth lingering on his hand.

He was happy.

0

"How is he?"

Hotch stopped his pacing and faced Morgan and JJ running towards him, ignoring the nurse's demand to not run in the hospital. Morgan looked furious, while JJ looked as if she was about to cry.

"He's in surgery," Hotch replied, his voice hoarse. Reid had remained unconscious until the moment he was taken into surgery, and it had already been two hours of waiting in agony. It was moments like these that made him doubt if he truly wanted to continue working for the BAU.

"Is he going to be..." JJ started but stopped, pursing her lips to stop herself from crying. She had to be strong for Reid and believe that he was going to be OK. Morgan stared at the unit chief in silence, not knowing what to say. He was consumed by anger at how this could have happened to who he considered his baby brother. The fact that the unsub was already dead wasn't doing much to help his violent mood.

The rest of the team arrived only a few minutes later, with Garcia sobbing against Emily. The team couldn't bring themselves to talk about what had happened. Silently, they were all praying that Reid come off the table safe and sound.

The next few hours took the team to Hell and back. When the doctor emerged from the OR, the team was by his side immediately, simultanously demanding to know how Reid was.

"We've managed to stabilize him. The bullet did injure his internal organs and he did lose a lot of blood, but luckily, he got here on time. We're just going to have to wait for the time being," the doctor explained calmly.

Garcia began crying again, relieved to hear the her baby genius was going to be OK. JJ let the suppressed tears out as well and texted to notify Will of the good news. The rest of the team stood in silence, taking the news in.

Hotch closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. Reid was going to be OK. And that's all that mattered to him.

0

When Reid opened his eyes again,he calmly deduced that he was on a hospital bed. Every muscle in his body felt stiff, his neck was scratchy and his eyes were sore. Above all, his entire abdomen was throbbing in pain.

But he was alive.

Reid forced his head to move and his eyes to focus. He saw the familar figure of Derek Morgan hunched by the bed, flipping through a magazine. It was like the anthrax incidence all over again, minus the jello.

"...Morgan?" Reid grimaced at his coarse voice. Morgan, on the other hand, jumped and faced him, his eyes wide open in surprise. The expression quickly turned into one of his trademark smiles.

"Hey pretty boy. Welcome back," Morgan joked, moving closed to the bed. "How're you feeling?"

"...I was shot."

Morgan chuckled at the response.

"Where's Hotch? Is he alright?" Reid asked, a sudden feeling of panic rushing over him.

"He's as good as he can be given the circumstances. We forced him home a couple of hours ago to get some sleep."

"...How long have I been out?"

"About three days."

"Oh.." Reid winced when a sharp pain hit him.

"Easy now, kid. Let me just go tell everyone you're up." Morgan left the room to notify the rest of the team. He could hear Garcia shouting in the background. The profiler returned to the room immediately after finishing the call and sat by the bed again.

"They're all excited to hear you're fine," the older agent informed, waving the phone in front of the younger man. "And I can guarantee you, you put us through something like this one more time, you're really gonna hear it from Garcia."

Reid smiled sheepishly. Just about every member of the team had gotten into some kind of near-death experience, and he remembered so clearly how sick with worry he had been each time. Not being able to do anything but wait and hope for the best. Hell, even he thought he wasn't going to make it out of this one.

"Alright. You need to get some rest," Morgan added softly.

"I just woke up."

"Ok then , pretty boy. I'll keep you company 'till Garcia comes and gives you a mini lecture," Morgan laughed at Reid's expression. Garcia had been fretting for the past few days, switching between anger and worry, and it was just waiting to be unleashed. And Reid was completely aware of how one of those could turn out. He would never forget and could never forget, even if he wanted to.

The rest of the team were by his side soon enough, with Garcia going from relief to motherly fury to crying and then to being herself in a span of only a few minutes. The rest of the team watched in amusement, not daring to interrupt the tech analyst.

Hotch joined them a few hours later, having heard of the news. Reid felt his heart drop as he watched Hotch walking in, his face showing all signs of worry and fatigue, the dark circles under his more prominent than ever. He seemed to have lost weight over the three days, his hair messier than usual.

Reid began panicking as he remembered the last words he spoke to Hotch. His judgement had been clouded, thinking that he would never make it out of it alive. And he had done it. He had told the man his true feelings. He wanted to take it back, but it was too late. Hotch knew and things were going to change. It would never be the same again.

The younger agent forced a smile onto his face to stop himself from crying. He hoped that maybe Hotch had forgotten about it or interpreted it differently. Regardless, he refused to break down in front of everyone.

"Reid..." Hotch started as he approached the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm going to need a few days off," Reid answered playfully, trying his best to conceal the nervous tremor in his voice.

"If I were you, I'd milk it," Prentiss joked back, making everyone except Hotch chuckle.

"She's right. You just concentrate on getting better," Rossi commented. "We should give the kid some peace. I'll leave you two to catch up." Rossi ushered the rest of the team out the room, with Morgan prying Garcia off the young doctor.

Reid swallowed visibly and stared at the IV needle once the two men were left alone. Hotch searched in his head for the right words, not sure if he should bring up Reid's confession or not. It would be easier to pretend like it never happened, but Hotch knew better. It'd come back to haunt them sooner or later. If they were going to continue to work as a team, they had to work it out.

"Reid-" Hotch began, his voice calm, but was immediately interrupted by Reid's frantic tone.

"I'm sorry. Ignore I said anything. I wasn't thinking clearly and it just came out all wrong, and..." Reid bit his lip, cursing at his urge to cry again.

"Reid. You don't need to apologize, but I need to know the truth," Hotch pried gently. He didn't know if he was ready to face the truth, but he also wasn't about to hide behind ignorance.

"I..." Reid cleared his throat. He wanted to badly to lie to the other man, but he owed it to Hotch to tell him the truth. "I meant everything I said. But, but I would never ask anything of you. I couldn't help it. It just happened, and I've worked so hard to not let if affect my work. But I know that I can't guarantee that it'll remain that way, and I know you can't allow me to stay in the team when it starts clouding my judgement and put others at risk." Reid inhaled deeply before continuing. "In a moment of near-death experience, I said all those things to you. I didn't want to go without telling you honestly how I felt. It was selfish of me, and I won't blame you for being angry with me. But I promise, I'll fix it. Just give me some time."

Reid bit his lip after finishing his speech, his heart pounding against his chest. He knew he had to make it right. He was going to make sure that his feelings for the other man be erased. What he felt for Hotch wasn't a simple crush. It had become his everything, a very part of him like breathing, so it was going to be a painfully difficult process, but he was going to do it.

Hotch listened patiently and sat still, watching Reid's features contorting in defeat and pain. It made him miserable to see the younger agent suffering, knowing that he was the cause of it.

He had never even considered anything romantic between them a possibility. Hotch had even asked himself if he had been blind to everything. If other members of the team knew and he was the only one who was too self-absorbed and oblivious. There was not an ounce of doubt that he cared deeply about the awkward genius. Everyone knew that. But romantically?

Then Hotch wanted to know how it had happened. Why Reid developed these feelings for him. Hotch knew fully well that he didn't come off as a very fun, romantic and generous person. He had kept his emotions locked up all through his career, and if anything, he became more aggressive and brooding since the death of his wife. He could see Reid wanting someone sweet and charismatic like Morgan, or even Rossi, but definitely not him.

But then here Reid was, admitting that he did in fact not just like him, but love him. None of it made any sense, but the most confusing part of the situation was that he didn't feel repulsed by it. Even knowing that Reid harbored such feelings.

The long silence was driving Reid insane. Possible scenarios were being played in his head, most of them negative. Would Hotch walk away? Maybe yell at him or report him? The young genius closed his eyes, knowing that he would never handle it if he were to see a look of disgust on the other man's face. A part of him reminded him that Hotch would never be so judgmental, but he was still afraid to look.

The two man continued in awkward silence, neither knowing what to do or say.

Rules against fraternizing within the bureau aside, the issue of their gender aside, it came down to what Reid meant to Hotch. And then it hit the unit chief. If it was Morgan or Rossi, he would have strictly told them that he couldn't return their feelings. Even prior to that, he would've reminded them of the rules against fraternizing within the bureau. But here he was, hesitating and actually considering the possibility instead.

There was something. It was unfamiliar and honestly frightening, but Hotch knew Reid meant something different to him.

"Reid."

Reid winced, expecting a lecture on how pathetic, dangerous and hopeless his love for the man was. He was so nervous and close to hyperventilating, he wondered if he could manage not throwing up all over the hospital bed.

"I need more time to understand this," Hotch admitted, his voice leveled carefully.

The younger agent looked up, his eyes a storm of uncertainty, disbelief, surprise and hope. Reid opened his mouth a few times but closed them each time, not trusting his voice or his brain at the moment. If Hotch needed time, he was going to give it. That tiny spark of hope, however soon it may die out, was enough for Reid. And he was going to make sure to not ruin it.

The two returned to silence, but this time, it wasn't suffocating. A few moments later, Reid fell asleep, a tiny smile playing at the corner of his lips. Hotch leaned against the chair, watching the other agent's chest rising and falling evenly.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

Maybe talking to his son was going to give him answers.

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**Thank you everyone for your wonderful reviews...and for those who've written that they were really able to relate to the story and Reid's feelings, that means a LOT to me so thank you :) Let me know what you thought about this one!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I received many comments asking what happened to Jack, if he was just abandoned for 3 days. The original version of the last chapter actually included Hotch telling a police officer to watch over until Jessica arrived to take care of Jack. Then I edited it out because I didn't want to take the focus away from Hotch and Reid. Just to be clear, I'm not a fan of child-abuse/neglect in any form (haha), and it was strangely relieving to see people concerned for our little boy Jack :) And yes, Hotch did check up on his son once in a while...he didn't stay in the hospital for 3 days straight. Without further ado, I present you the next chapter! Hope you enjoy.**

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"Hey, buddy. How are you?"

Hotch smiled as he watched his son run towards him, his arms stretched wide open. The unit chief picked his son up in a swift embrace and thanked Jessica.

"Daddy, did you catch the bad guy?" Jack asked as soon as Jessica left the house.

"I sure did, Jack."

Hotch walked into the living room, still holding his son in his arms. As far as Jack was concerned, Hotch was out solving another case and had to leave him with Jessica for the past few days. It was difficult to lie to his son and act as if something so terrible hadn't happened in the house. That Reid had almost died in that exact spot in the living room. The blood stain was gone, but he could remember with painful clarity the events of that night. The desperation and guilt he felt as he watched Reid being carried out of the very living room.

"Then why are you sad, daddy?"

The unit chief stopped and gently placed his son down. He then crouched down to meet his son at eye-level. Sometimes, children asked all the right questions, questions that hit him the hardest.

"Well, Jack, Uncle Spence is in a hospital right now."

"Why?" Jack asked, his frown deepening. He was old enough to know that hospitals meant bad news.

"He...He just had a little accident, but he'll be fine. Would you like to go see him?" Hotch had contemplated not telling Jack about Spencer, but he knew that his son would ask to have him over soon. Then where would he be?

"Can we go _now_?"

"We'll go first thing tomorrow morning. Uncle Spence needs to sleep right now."

"OK...can we buy him chocolate?"

"Of course we can. You can pick something up on our way tomorrow. Why don't you make him a card, Jack?"

"Okay."

Hotch watched his son run to his room. He plopped onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. The events of the last few days had taken so much out of him. He leaned against the leather couch and closed his eyes, wanting so badly to just fall asleep and wake up to happier times. When things were so much easier.

Minutes later, Jack was out of his room and in the living room. Hotch opened his eyes and motioned for his son to sit next to him. Jack complied, snuggling against his father, his big expressive eyes questioning. He could sense that his dad was sad and needed a hug.

The two distracted each other by talking about Jack's school and his friends. It was nice to catch up to what his son has been up to. It gave him a sense of stability and familiarity. Two things he desperately needed. The two joked and laughed and even shared a late night cookie and milk before Hotch tucked his son into bed. Jack was sleeping in no time.

Hotch watched his son in silence, just enjoying the comfort it brought him. Then his phone brought him back to reality. He checked to see it was Rossi before answering.

"Dave."

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"You mind if I stop by?"

Hotch paused and glanced at his son's sleeping figure.

"Sure."

"I'll be there in a minute. Is Jack with you?"

"He's sleeping."

"I'll see you in a bit."

Minutes later, Rossi was at the door, holding up a pack of beer. Hotch raised an eyebrow but let the man in without questioning.

"We need to talk."

The unit chief tensed immediately. Had something happened to Reid while he was home?

"Did something happen to Reid?"

"No. Now why don't we sit."

Hotched nodded and led the older man to the kitchen table. The two sat with a bottle of beer in each hand. It was quite a strange choice of beverage, considering Rossi usually drank fine wine and aged whiskey. Hotch didn't complain though. He really needed any kind of alcohol in his system to relieve some of the stress.

"Aaron," Rossi began, purposefully using the unit chief's first name. "How are you doing?"

Hotch's frown deepened in confusion. "I'm fine," he replied slowly.

"No, I'm asking you how you're really doing."

The unit chief pursed his lips. He was having a terrible time, no doubt. In fact, everyone in the team were having a difficult time dealing with what had just happened to their boy wonder. But he knew that wasn't what Rossi was asking.

"Not too well," Hotch answered curtly after a moment of hesitation. Maybe this is what he needed. Just to talk about how guilty, angry and confused he was about the entire situation. He wasn't used to talking about his own feelings and problems. He had gotten too used to always interrogating others while keeping his personal life just that. Personal.

"Aaron, we've known each other for some time now. Our work has always been tough, but you used to enjoy life. I've seen how happy you were with Haley and Jack. You used to make jokes, smile, dance...enjoy things in life. Life used to mean more to you than catching bad guys."

Rossi didn't need to continue for Hotch to understand where the conversation was going. He knew fully well what he had become. He had let work overtake the empty void Haley's death had left behind. The only semblance of his old life was when he spent time with his son. Only then could he smile and laugh, but even then, he knew he had changed. And he was starting to see that changes had to be made as Jack grew older.

"I know..." Hotch barely spoke above a whisper.

Rossi took a sip of his beer, carefully running through the words in his head. He was dealing with a very sensitive topic, but he had to believe in his intuition and his ability to read people.

"Reid's a good kid," Rossi began. A familiar frown appeared on Hotch's face.

"What are you trying to say, Dave?" Hotch asked, his fingers clenching tighter around the bottle in his hand.

"Just that some things might surprise you. Turn for the better," Rossi took another sip of beer. "You owe it to youself to take those chances when they do come around."

Hotch felt his chest tighten at Rossi's words. It was obvious that Rossi knew. How much he knew, Hotch wasn't sure and wasn't going to ask. All he knew was that he didn't want to partake in this conversation anymore.

"Dave..."

"Something tells me you know what I'm talking about," Rossi interrupted, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.

"Dave-" Hotch started again, only to be cut off yet again.

"Look, I'm not telling you what to feel or what to do. We all know that's just wasted effort on my part. I just wanted to to talk to you, as a friend, and tell you that maybe you need to take some chances in life."

"Dave. You're encouraging me to play with fire."

"I know."

"With serious consequences. I won't be the only one facing them."

"I'm sure you're not the only one who knows," Rossi answered in a firm voice. Hotch stilled, letting the words sink in. "Well, it's getting late. I'm going to head back home. You take care of yourself."

"Driving under the influence?" Hotch chided.

"I didn't even finish half a bottle," Rossi answered with a shrug. "And trust me, I've done worse."

Hotch nodded with a grin and walked with Rossi to the door. He returned to the living room after seeing the car leave the driveway. Everything was a mess in the unit chief's head. It was unnerving enough to know that Rossi was somehow aware of what was going on between him and Reid. But for Rossi to encourage it? It was wrong on so many levels.

Yet, Hotch also knew that Rossi would never guide him the wrong way. His words had always rung true sooner or later, and the man knew him well enough to not make a hasty call.

For the first time in many years, Aaron Hotchner was utterly lost.

0

Hotch watched his son hop out of the car, a box of chocolate in one hand and a handmade card in the other. They got onto an elevator, with Hotch feeling a lot more nervous that usual. What Rossi said last night left him a lot to think about, but no amount of thinking was giving him any solid answer.

The two entered Reid's room. As soon as Reid's eyes landed on the young boy, they lit up. Jack rushed to the bedside and handed the young doctor his gifts.

"This is for you, Uncle Spence."

Reid took the card and smiled at his portrait on the front and a colorful "Get well soon" inside. He carefully wrapped an arm around the boy and brought him closer in a hug, trying his best not to make his pain too noticeable.

"Thank you so much, Jack. And thank you for the chocolate. I'll get better soon now I have these."

"Does it hurt a lot?"

"No. The doctor just wants to make sure I'm 100% OK before letting me go," Reid lied, not wanting to worry the little boy. Jack seemed to be pleased with the answer, because he was smiling again.

"Can we have another sleepover when you get out?"

Reid glanced at Hotch nervously and cleared his throat. "Of course. You just wait for me, OK?"

"Okay."

"Alright buddy, we need to get you to school. Say bye to Uncle Spence."

"Bye Uncle Spence. Make sure you wash your hands before you eat them."

"I will," Reid answered grinning. Hotch gave Reid a curt not before guiding his son out of the room. The younger man nodded back and commenced staring at an imaginary point on the wall across from him.

He didn't want to be pessimistic, but Hotch seemed more aloof than usual. The only thing going on his mind was that Hotch had thought about it and came to the conclusion that he had to keep a distance. Reid sighed and bit back tears. Eventhough he had expected something like this to happen, the silent rejection still hurt. _A lot_.

"Good morning, my love!" Reid forced a smile at the familar voice of Penelope Garcia. JJ and Emily were behind her, looking tired but happy to see their resident boy genius.

"Hey guys."

"How are you feeling?" Garcia continued, sitting by the bed.

"Better."

Emily immediately noticed the card in Reid's hand. "Who gave that to you?"

"Oh, Jack did," Reid flashed a brilliant smile as he held up the card proudly.

"Jack was here?" Emily asked in surprise, catching the attention of both JJ and Garcia.

"Yeah, he stopped by earlier with Hotch."

"Aww, thats so adorable! Can I see?" Garcia cooed as she took the card and studied it. She put a hand on her chest and let out a long "awwww."

"Are they feeding you well here?" JJ asked, taking note of how much thinner Reid had become in the past few days. And considering how skinny he was before being shot, the visual was quite an alarming one.

"Mainly through this," Reid answered, holding his hand up and showing her the needle.

"Don't worry, Spence. Once you're out of here, we're going to get you all your favorites," JJ promised, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Reid grinned and nodded, hoping for fast recovery. He didn't like being confined to the bed. He wanted to be out with the rest of the team working on cases, or even going through files in the bullpen.

Being alone in the room with nothing to do made him think. And thinking usually ended up somewhere along the line of downright depressing.

With three women in the room, the atmosphere quickly picked up. Garcia brought all the office gossip, Prentiss her usual bantering with the young doctor, and JJ updating Reid on what Henry's been up to. For the moment being, Reid could just forget and smile.

0

Reid stared, his jaws slack, his eyes wide open. He quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat. He tightened his fingers around the strap of his messenger bag in his attempt to stop from fidgeting so much.

"Are you sure about this?" Reid asked and cursed inwardly at the tremor in his voice.

"I am."

"Ok...I, I'll have to uh, get my things, and uh," Reid fumbled with his words, his eyes darting back and forth between Hotch and his bag.

"Take your time. I'll give you a ride home. Jack's waiting for you."

Without another word, Reid followed the unit chief to his car. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He chided his brain and tried to convince himself that Hotch didn't mean anything by the offer, but his brain refused to cooperate.

Upon official discharge, it was Hotch who had come to pick him up. That was surprising enough, since he was expecting Morgan, but Hotch had another suprise in store for him. His boss proposed that Reid stay with him and Jack until he fully recovered. The idea made so much sense. It not only made sure that Reid wasn't under supervision but also provided a watching eye over Jack. Reid couldn't think up a reason to refuse.

Yet, he couldn't help but wonder if his presence was going to end up pressuring Hotch and ruin whatever possibility he had of actually being with the other man. Then again, perhaps spending more time together might actually help. Reid was torn, but before he could even come to a final decision, he found himself already back at his apartment with the other man right behind him, ready to help him pack.

Reid blushed at the thought of Hotch watching him as he rummaged through his closet and drawers. He didn't have anything embarrassing, but he had never invitied anyone to his bedroom before.

Once the two finished packing Reid's essentials, they swiftly made their way to pick Jack up from his playdate. The entire ride was a quiet one, neither of them knowing what to say. But it wasn't uncomfortable or nerve-wrecking. In fact, it was almost welcomed.

Jack was over the moon to see that Uncle Spence was ready to spend the next few days with him. It took quick action on Hotch's part to stop his son from running straight into Reid and reopening the barely closed wound. The ride back to the Hotchner residence was filled with Jack making plans for the three of them and the two adults playing along, throwing their ideas around as well.

When Reid entered the familiar house, he couldn't help but hesistate before entering the living room. He felt a bit sick in the stomach, and his palms were sweating again. He was standing right there when it had all happened. Instinctively, Reid turned around to make sure that Jack and Hotch were still standing there, that it was just the three of them in that very living room.

The young doctor relaxed his tense shoulders and smiled sheepishly, almost feeling silly that he had gotten so paranoid. He really had to work on dealing with traumatic experiences. Hotch watched the other man carefully, reading the momentary panic and fear in his eyes.

"Hey buddy, why don't we let Uncle Spence settle down while you get the cookies out?"

"Yeah!" The boy bounced towards the kitchen. He and his father had spent their morning baking welcome cookies for Reid and putting on frostings and sprinkles of all colors. Jack had kept it safely in the kitchen and was more than eager to share them with Uncle Spence.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have brought you back here," Hotch spoke quietly, gauging the younger man's reaction.

"I'm fine."

"What you're going through is perfectly normal."

"I know," Reid answered curtly before forcing a weak smile.

"Reid. You need to tell me if you're uncomfortable with it."

"And I can't always run away from every bad thing that happens in life."

The two men stared at each other in silence, until Hotch picked up Reid's baggage.

"I'll take you to the guest room."

Once in the guest room, Reid took his clothes out one by one and placed them neatly in the closet. He had stayed in hotels many times before, but it felt strange knowing that he was claiming temporary residency somewhere that wasn't his own apartment.

After finishing up unpacking, he sighed when he realized how easily tired he got these days. The simple events of this day was already leaving him wanting to just fall asleep on the new bed. His abdomen still throbbed and was painful every time he stretch or tried to lift anything. The young doctor made his way back to the living room, knowing that the other two will be waiting. Once he arrived, Jack was ready with the plate of cookies in his hands.

"Uncle Spence! This is for you!" Reid took the plate gratefully with a bright smile. It never ceased to amaze him how incredibly sweet Jack was. The boy was always surprising him with little gifts and affectionate gestures.

"Thank you so much Jack. Here, why don't we eat them together?"

"Okay, but daddy says only one a day."

"And he's right. Why don't we pick one for each other?"

0

Jack refused to sleep even well past his bedtime. He insisted on playing with Uncle Spence until his father stepped in and asked to let the young profiler get some rest. After tucking the young boy into his bed, the two adults quietly made their way back to the living room.

"Reid, you should get some rest."

"Yeah, I guess I should. You should too."

However, neither of the men moved an inch from where they were standing, just looking into each others' eyes. Reid bit his lower lip nervously and began playing with his fingers. There were clearly words waiting to be spoken lingering in the air.

Yet, they both arrived at the conclusion that it would be wiser to return to their respective rooms. They had a mutual understanding that they shouldn't address the giant elephant in the room.

Hotch closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He wondered if he had made a huge mistake inviting Spencer to his home. The proposal made sense at the time. He knew that Reid shouldn't be left home alone all day long in his current condition, and he felt that he had to take responsibility. He also knew how much his son loved having him around, which meant that Jack wouldn't feel so lonely when he was out working on a case. And he owed it to both himself and Reid to see what could be between the two of them...so what better way was there?

But had he made a mistake? Was he forcing things by encouraging the situation they were currently in? He reminded himself that he needed to stop thinking for a change. That he had to let instincts take over on this one.

The unit chief climbed onto his bed and stared at the space besides him. It had been so long since he had slept with a warm body next to his. He tried to imagine Spencer lying next to him, his eyes closed peacefully and his lips parted slightly. Hotch blinked, surprised that he had let his brain just wander off into that territory. The thought itself wasn't repulsive by any means, but he felt uneasy that he had just pictured a fellow member of the team in that position.

_Stop thinking._

Hotch reminded himself harshly before slowly drifting into sleep.

0

The next morning, Hotch was the first one up. He had a difficult time sleeping in late, simply out of habit. After taking some time to read news articles on his phone and going through his e-mails, he decided to check up on Reid.

He quietly made his way to the room and knocked softly. There was no answer. So Hotch knocked a few more times, will still no response. Worried that something might have happened overnight, Hotch turned the handle and let himself in.

He blinked at the figure sleeping soundly on the guest room bed. Reid seemed almost like a child, his hands gathered together in front of his nose, his lips parted ever so slightly. The unit chief found himself by the bed, drawn to the peaceful expression. He had seen Reid asleep on the plane and on the hospital bed so many times, but this was different.

Hotch placed himself at the edge of the bed, supporting his weight on one arm. He leaned forward and tentatively lifted his hand. And carefully, and painstakingly slowly, he let his fingers brush over a loose lock of Reid's brown hair. It felt surprisingly soft to the touch. Hotch retracted his hand rapidly and balled his hand into a fist.

Just as he was about to get off the bed, he felt the bed shift as Reid rolled over slowly. His eyelashes fluttered as Reid stirred awake. He looked utterly confused in his sleepy daze.

"...Hotch?" Reid whispered, having a difficult time believing that it was in fact Hotch sitting by him on the bed. He briefly wondered if he was having yet another one of those hopelessly romantic dreams, in which Hotch kissed him good morning and brought him breakfast in bed.

"How are you feeling?" the unit chief asked, realizing there was no point in pretending like he wasn't sitting there watching the other man sleep.

"Better. Um, and good morning?"

Despite his best efforts, the corner of Hotch's lips curled into a smile at the uncertainty in the other man's voice.

"Good morning," he greeted back. Reid smiled sheepishly in return. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," the young doctor answered as he tried to push himself off the bed. Being shot in the stomach was already quite horrendous. The recovery process was starting to get just as bad. He winced and groaned in pain as tried to get up in a single, swift motion.

Hotch instinctively placed a firm hand behind Reid's back and helped him up. Reid blushed furiously at the contact, especially because Hotch was so close to him now. He could almost feel the other man's breath against his skin.

"Uh, thank you," the younger man murmured, trying his best to not appear so flustered. He was quite certain that he wasn't doing a good job of it.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

With those words, Hotch left the room, leaving Reid to his blushing self. There was no morning kiss or breakfast in bed, but somehow, it quickly became one of the best mornings of his entire life.

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**And so it begins! Hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter :) They were all amazing and they always motivate me to improve the story! Let me know what your thoughts, questions and comments!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello m'lovelies! It's been a while since I've updated and I'm so sorry about that! Special thanks to all those who have reviewed, added me on their fav list and alerts...you guys are awesome! **

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When Jack asked to visit the park with both Hotch and Reid, the young doctor couldn't help but feel wary of returning to the same park that made him and Jack the target that night. The wound was still nowhere near healed, and he could still remember every detail of that night with alarming clarity. But he, just like everyone else in the team, had made a promise to not let evil control his life. He refused to let the event of that night to keep him from enjoying a stroll with two of the most important people in his life.

Hotch didn't miss how tense Reid became as soon as the request left his son's lips. He knew too well what it was like to have to return to reminders of traumatic experiences. He didn't want to have to put Reid through it, but he understood what was going on in the younger man's head. Plus, some exercise was going to do Reid some good, not to mention that he personally needed some fresh air.

Once at the park, Reid and Hotch walked side by side, keeping a close eye on Jack, who was running around ahead. The weather was perfect for the occasion. Not too sunny, with a gentle, refreshing breeze tickling Reid's hair. The young agent inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. It was simple moments like these that reminded him that he was indeed alive and that he was lucky to be so. Hotch smiled despite himself, glad to see that the other man was starting to relax. He had been prepared to leave the vicinity if Reid had shown any sign of distraught.

Reid blinked in surprise and looked down when he felt a hand take his. Realizing that Jack had wrapped his small fingers around his hand, Reid smiled awkwardly. He felt warm inside, staring into the eyes of the young boy, who was watching him with unadulterated affection. The younger doctor was ready to continue the stroll with Jack's hand in his, when the boy took his own father's hand into his free one. Both men immediately looked at each other in raised eyebrows as Jack propelled them forward.

The three found themselves walking, linked together in a single line.

A couple of girls walking in the opposite direction giggled as they passed by, making Reid squirm uncomfortably. He side-glanced the other man, who had also taken note of how they must've appeared to the two girls. Hotch watched Reid biting his lips nervously and let out a small reassuring smile. He shrugged and stretched his lips wider and watched in momentary awe as Reid's eyes lit up.

The stroll came to a pause when Jack spotted a small ice cream truck. Clearly, it didn't take much for Hotch to give into his son's demand, and soon enough, Hotch was waiting in short line with both Reid and his son having a serious discussion regarding their options. The older man stifled a laugh, watching a federal agent with multiple PhDs and a job as a profiler so deep in thought as to what flavor of ice cream he was going to choose.

With a scoop of chocolate ice cream for Jack and vanilla for Reid, the three were on their way back home. They attracted quite a bit of attention from other occupants of the park, and while Reid had initially felt incredibly uncomfortable, he soon grew to enjoy the picture-perfect moment he was sharing with the other two. It was like a scene from the many dreams he had of starting a family with Hotch.

Jack was in bed early that night, the excitement of spending time with two of his favorite people and running around the park having tired his small body out. Hotch kissed his son on the forehead before exiting the room with Reid in tow.

"I hope you aren't too tired," Hotch spoke quietly as the two walked into the living room. While the older agent had kept a careful eye on the younger man, Reid had quite a reputation for trying his best of hide any signs of weakness.

"I'm fine," Reid answered lightly.

"Just let me know if you need to take a break from hanging out with Jack."

"No!" Reid blurted out loudly and then cleared his throat. "I mean, I really like spending time with him...and you," Reid ventured, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Hotch was now staring at him with an unreadable expression, and it was driving him mad wondering if he had managed to get himself into a yet another awkward moment.

"Reid," Hotch began, softening his expression to reassure the younger man. "I understand. And I just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself. You're still in recovery."

"I know..."

"And that means no more dancing with Jack."

Reid opened his mouth in surprise but quickly regained composure and narrowed his eyes at the older man who was stifling a laughter.

"I'm recording it the next time you do it, and I'm going to make Garcia send it to everyone in the bureau," Reid retorted playfully.

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"No, just a forecast of what is to come." Reid grinned, enjoying the light banter.

"The bureau ball is in two weeks," Hotch mused as he entered the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water.

"Garcia and Morgan always drags me to that thing. I don't see why I have to go every year, considering I end up spending most of my time just standing around watching other people dance and get drunk," Reid complained, taking a glass for himself as well.

"Maybe things will change this year."

"Not likely."

Hotch chuckled lowly at the younger man's pout and set his empty glass on the counter.

"I need to go and take care of some things. You should go get some rest," Hotch suggested.

"Oh, right. OK. I'll see you tomorrow before you leave?"

The unit chief paused for a brief moment before a curt nod. "Good night, Reid." He made his way around the counter and left for the bedroom as Reid watched the retreating figure warily.

"Good night, Aaron," Reid whispered, blushing at how the name sounded on his lips. He leaned against the counter and subconsciously ran his hand across the wound. Tomorrow was Monday,which meant he would be home with Jack while Hotch was back in the bureau. He just hoped that the older man wouldn't be dragged into yet another dangerous case.

0

The next morning, Hotch found himself standing in front of the guest room. In fact, he had been standing on the same spot for over 5 minutes, not saying a single word or making any attempt to alert the occupant of his presence. He did lift his fist towards the door a few times but dropped them back to his side each time.

He knew he had told Reid that he would see him before going off to the bureau, but something about he entire situation was making him antsy. An emotion Aaron Hotchner was not fond of.

After berating himself for how ridiculous he was being, he knocked a few times. Hearing an incoherent murmur, Hotch entered the room to find Reid still in bed, barely awake.

"Reid? Are you alright?"

"Mmm...yeah..." Reid grumbled into the pillow and rolled over. The older man approached the bed tentatively.

"I'm leaving now. Call me if you need anything."

"Oh. What time is it?" Reid's eyes snapped open in surprise. His original plan was to at least have breakfast with the unit chief, not be found half-conscious in bed. Reid groaned and pulled his blanket up, feeling a lot more self-conscious knowing that he probably looked terrible. His hair had a bad habit of going all over the place overnight.

"Stay in bed and get some more rest. Jack will be back home before 4." Hotch turned to leave the room and let the younger man sleep, but he was stopped by a hand wrapped around onto his wrist.

"Hotch?" Reid started nervously as he immediately let go of the older agent's wrist. "Please be safe?"

"...I will."

The young doctor chewed his lips as he watched the other man exit the room. He knew he was being unreasonable. It wasn't as if he didn't know how capable Hotch was. The man had survived some of the worst things human evil had to offer, and he had always kept him and the rest of the team safe. Reid tried to calm himself down and stop thinking about all the bad things that could possible happen to the other man.

It was almost 10am when Hotch called him to notify him that the team will be flying to Milwaukee to work on another case. While Hotch was reluctant to tell Reid the details of the case, since he wanted the younger man to just rest without worrying about the team, the young doctor managed to get that 3 women in their late 20s have been murdered. Reid hung up after making Hotch promise to call him if there was anything he could help with.

Reid paced around the living room a few times and scolded himself. He had to stop with the pessimism. It wasn't going to help anyone, and definitely not him. The young agent turned on the TV and begin surfing through random channels. He spent most of the day in disbelief at what modern television had been reduced to. Daytime TV was definitely not his thing.

When Jack came, things became a lot better for the young doctor. He listened to the young boy talk about school, helped him with homework and told him random trivial facts here and there. For dinner, Reid managed to make simple spaghetti for the two of them without burning the house down.

After tucking Jack into bed at around 9, Reid was back out in the living room pacing nervously. So far, not a single phonecall from anyone from the team. He figured that they must be busy as always. He knew how hectic things got while on a case. Which meant that he was going to have to keep himself from becoming a nervous wreck and refrain from calling anyone in panic.

Reid jumped when his phone rang nearing midnight. He was lying in bed wide awake, just staring at the ceiling and going through the passages of Nietzsche in his head to keep himself calm. After seeing Hotch's name on the screen, he answered immediately.

"Hotch?"

"Sorry for calling so late. I hope you weren't sleeping."

"No, I wasn't."

"How's Jack?"

"He's sleeping now."

"...And how are you?"

"I'm OK." _I just miss you_. Reid bit back the words in his head. "How's the case going?"

"Still no solid profile."

"I see..." the younger agent replied, knowing completely well how some cases stretched on for days and how frustrating it is for everyone until the unsub's caught. "Is there anything I can do?"

"We'll call you if anything comes up."

"Right." Reid bit his lip again, hearing the fatigue in the other man's voice. It killed him to just lie there in bed while the rest of the team was spending long hours working the case and possibly putting their lives on the line. It was so much worse than the time he got shot in the leg and wasn't allowed on the field for days. At least he was able to team up with Garcia back then.

"I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Oh, right. Good night."

"Good night."

Reid sighed and placed his phone back next to the lamp by his bed. The conversation was much shorter than he had wanted it to be, but he had to remind himself of who he was dealing with here. Hotch didn't do small talks, especially while on a case. Yet he couldn't help but feel disappointed at the stoic tone of the older man. Being in love was indeed a terrible thing indeed, and Reid couldn't believe what he had become.

In Milwaukee, Hotch stared at the phone in his hand. The case was taking a horrible turn, with another woman reported missing an hour after their arrival. Years of working on the field told him that this was the unsub's doing as well. The rest of the team was teetering on the edge as well, knowing that another body might turn up any time soon.

"The kid doing OK?"

The unit chief looked up in surprise to find Rossi standing with his hands in his pocket. He was clearly as tired and frustrated as everyone else was, but years of experience enabled him to keep it hidden better.

"Yeah," Hotch answered, shoving the phone into his pocket.

"And what about you? Have you decided to take that leap of faith?" Rossi asked with his trademark grin, eliciting a sigh from his fellow agent. "I guess I'll find out sooner or later. Now why don't we get some actual sleep. We got an early day tomorrow."

"Night, Dave."

"See you tomorrow."

The unit chief entered his hotel room and took off his jacket and his tie immediately. He plopped onto the bed, throwing his shoes haphazardly across the floor. He wanted to change, but he was just too tired to deal with it.

For Hotch, being as observant as he was meant that he could hear the disappointment in Reid's voice. A part of him had wanted to keep up a much longer conversation, to ask questions about Reid's day or to maybe even talk about plans once he returned home. Frankly, he didn't know how he felt about the younger man. While he couldn't bring himself to talk to him as he had done with his late wife, there was no doubt that just listening to Reid's voice had brought him a sense of peace to his troubled mind.

So what exactly was it?

Hotch exhaled loudly and shielded his eyes with his arm. He was too tired to think about this.

He just wanted the case to end so that he could go back to Jack and Reid.

0

It was Thursday night when the team was back. No one had expected the case to last so long, but they also didn't expect a member of the local PD to be assisting the unsub. In the end, they caught the unsub and managed to save a woman who was held captive for more than 36 hours. The team was given the rest of the week off unless another urgent case was to land on JJ's desk.

As soon as Hotch returned home, he took his son into his arms and just held him there for a few good minutes. Then he spotted Reid standing with a shy smile on his face. The younger man wanted so badly to just wrap his arms around the other profiler's neck and welcome him back home, but he settled for a curt nod.

That night, the three of them slept inside the "tent" in the living room Jack and Reid had prepared as they waited for Hotch to come home. Hotch fell asleep almost immediately, as he barely got a chance to sleep during the past few days. Reid smiled and closed his eyes as well. He was just glad that Hotch had come home safe.

The next evening, Jack was at a friend's house for a sleepover, leaving the two men to themselves.

"Reid," Hotch addressed the other man as they finished washing the dishes. The other man looked up from the plate he was placing back into the cabinet.

"Why don't you join me in the living room."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

The younger agent frowned, trying to figure out if he had done anything wrong. Hotch seemed to have been having a good time during the entire dinner...

Reid followed Hotch to the living and watched in a state of confusion as the older man began browsing through his iPod. He didn't even know that the unit chief had an iPod in the first place. The combination seemed so strange for some reason.

"Hotch?"

The unit chief simply held his hand out to silence the younger man. He stopped on a song and placed the iPod onto the dock. He adjusted the volume as a song begin playing. Reid cocked his head at the unfamiliar tune, still trying to figure out where the older man was going with it.

"The Last Time. By Eric Benet," Hotch answered, reading the young agent's expression.

"Um, I'm not sure what-"

"The bureau ball is in less than two weeks now."

"In 8 days to be exact."

"And I'm going to teach you how to dance."

"What!" Reid's voice came out about an octave higher than usual. He shook his hands in protest, knowing fully well how embarrassing this was going to end for him. There was no way he was going to let Hotch watch him make a fool out of himself. "No way! I mean, no thanks, really, I'm fine with just attending the ball and watching."

"Reid." Hotch resorted to his usual stern tone.

"Trust me, as much as I want to dance with you-"

"Stop talking," the older man huffed as he carefully, yet firmly, placed his right hand on the slender man's waist and took his hand in his left. "I understand you'd be taking the men's role while you're at the ball, but this should at least help you get used to the whole thing."

"Hotch, I really don't think this is a good idea," Reid began again, his face turning a brilliant shade of red.

"Stop. Now, the other hand goes on my shoulder."

The young doctor placed a tentative hand on the other man's broad shoulder, trying his best to relax to the music. As much as he was against the idea, he knew that his was probably going to be the last time for an opportunity like this, and he would have to be a fool to let it pass.

Hotch began moving slowly, rocking their bodies to the slow tune. Reid swallowed visibly and followed the other man's lead, focusing on the warmth of his hand, how perfectly their hands fit one another.

_The first time we walked under that starry sky,_

_there was a moment when everything was clear._

_I didn't need to ask or even wonder why, _

_because each question is answered when you're near._

Hotch's scent tickled Reid's nose as the older man drew him closer. Their eyes met, and for that brief moment, there was perfect calm. The world disappeared around them. There was only the ghost of each others' breath on their lips, the warmth of their hands on each other.

_And I'm wise enough to know when a miracle unfolds, _

_This is the last time I'll fall in love._

Reid leaned closer, his innocent, expressive eyes filled with longing. Yet he did not dare close the distance between them. Everything was so perfect that he couldn't bring himself to risk breaking this perfect moment. The two men continued to dance slowly, their feet hardly making any sound as they glided along the living room.

When the music ended, the two men stood still, seeking each other through each other's eyes. Reid wanted so badly to just lean forward, take that leap of faith. God knew how much he wanted to feel the other man on his lips, but before he knew it, he was taking a step back, forcing a smile on his face.

"I think you're ready for the ball," Hotch began, as he slowly let go of his hold on the other man. Reid tried to pretend as if the loss of contact wasn't making his heart ache. How he secretly wanted Hotch to just hold onto him and never let him go.

"I guess I am," Reid breathed, reluctantly sliding his hands back to his sides. They continued to look into each other's eyes in silence, neither able to find the right thing to say. It was so crystal clear to them. In that very moment, the moment the song began, they had crossed a point of no return.

Whichever path they decide to take from now on, they would never go back to being what they were before the song. It frightened them, as they finally realized the weight of where they now stood, but a part of them knew it was unavoidable. An they were ready to accept the consequences.

But above all, they both knew that, deep inside, they needed this more than anything in the world.

* * *

**Should I make life easier for Dr. Reid already? (I vote no, but hey that's just me.)**

**Review and let me know your thoughts and comments!**


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